Feline Fridays: Cat Monologue #3

Welcome to Inkweb! Have fun reading, comment with your thoughts, and stay tuned tomorrow for my short story "The Gravestone."

This is Cat Monologue #3. It's the third installment of a series of diary entries made by a housecat, Chester Felix.

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I jumped off the roof yesterday.

Nothing particularly eventful in itself; the landing is what mattered. I stood atop the roof in blazing glory, silhouetted against the sunset, my muscles primed for the leap, and I jumped.

Right down onto Little Timmy’s head.

Needless to say, the chaos that ensued was quite substantial, and during the course of events I was nearly killed by a flailing boy, a terrified mother, and a defensive dad.

But besides all that, and the obvious bruises it entailed, I had a relatively relaxing week.

Ugh, I wish that Max would stop barking. He’s been doing that all day. All week. All year, now that I think of it. I wish he would run away, or stop barking, or die. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes everything’s just stupid.

My bruises still hurt. I’m pretty sure I’ve got a migraine from the nonstop barking. There’s no way I’ll ever get better. I’m going to die of insomnia. Or jump off a higher rooftop. Or hire a hit squad for Max.

Oh well…

I spoke with Lenny yesterday. He’s the cat next door, the fat one with the puffy white fur and the annoying bell hung around his neck that jingles when he walks. He hates it too. His owners are...eccentric, to say the least.

Anyway, we met up in his backyard. He can get you just about anything you want, for a price. I was talking to him about possibly arranging some sort of dismal fate for the dog.

He said he’d think about it, but it would cost me.

So, I’ve been messing around with this new computer I got (you remember, the dog completely wrecked my typewriter), and I’ve figured out how to send emails. I’ve been formulating a plan in my mind. If I could show Lenny the wonders of the computer, that would greatly help his ring of informants. No longer would they be hosting secret meetings in dark back alleys. Instead, they would have the power of instant communication.

If I showed Lenny my email account and told him how to get one, then he would agree to get rid of Max. Right?

I’m still plotting, but I’m liking this idea.

-Signing off,

Chester Felix (the cat)

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So, how'd you like it? The plot is thickening. What will Chester do next? What's going to happen to Max? Find out next Friday.

Tomorrow's my first short story in a while. It's not that great, have mercy on me, but at the same time I hope you enjoy it at least a little.