Feline Fridays - Cat Monologue #4

Welcome to Inkweb! Here is the newest cat monologue, featuring Chester Felix. Any suggestions for Mad Monday? Comment below and let me know. I hope you enjoy this monologue, in which things get a little interesting around the house.
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Curses! How daft could my human owners possibly be? I've arranged a deal, and I've walked away worse than when I started out!
Sorry. I should probably fill you in, big wide world. So, you remember my plan, right? I was going to give Lenny an email account for his network of feline informants, and in return he'd get rid of Max for me?
Well, it didn't work out so well, after all. What a surprise. I should have known. Never hire someone to do a job that you can pull off yourself with a little effort.
Anyway, I made a deal with Lenny. I showed him how to create an email account, and I threw in some free kibble on the side, and he agreed to put a bounty on Max's head.
So, yeah. This was where it began to go wrong, you might say. Every other hour of the day, some puffed up kitten was jumping off a fence post trying to pounce on Max.

Max is a golden retriever, so that didn't go over well for the kittens.
Anyway, all this unwanted attention, what with Max's would-be assailants, started to alarm my human owners. They took Max into the house. CURSES!
Before I knew it, there were about three cats who had all climbed through the open kitchen window. They were prowling around the house, staying out of human sight. I was feeling a bit uneasy, and I urged the assassins to leave, but no, they didn't listen to me. They wanted Lenny's fabled stack of Krunchy Katt Kibble (the best brand in the world).
Well, as you can guess, my owners started to notice that something was wrong. Max started barking like crazy whenever the three cats went near, and every once in a while the parents thought they saw something moving along in the corner.
Not good.
The father caught one of the cats, who yowled and scampered out the window. They thought it was over then, but oh no. No it was not.
I cowered in my corner of the basement, trying to type up my manifesto in peace. Whatever happened, I had to make sure I was not implicated in the crime.
Pretty soon, I heard yowls and thuds and thumps coming from upstairs. Then there were humans yelling, more thumps, more yowls and hisses. I tried to cover my ears, but it didn't really help, so I just kept typing.
And typing.
And typing.
With the chaos still going on up above.
Yeah, that bargain with Lenny did not work out so good. Max stayed safe, the hitmen were hurled out various windows of the house, and all of the furniture was completely destroyed. Curtains were slashed and torn, sofas were mauled, the TV was knocked over, and I'm pretty sure that my owners will have to get a new dishwasher. Don't ask.
Anyway, I scrambled over to Lenny's and told him that the hit was off. He shrugged, smiling smugly like always, and bit into his pile of kibble. I have a feeling he planned it like that.
Anyway, Max is not gone! I'm infuriated. I lost kibble and gave Lenny a favor, and all for nothing. And now I've been hearing the parents discussing getting ANOTHER DOG?!!

Signing off,

Chester Felix (the cat)